


Hopeless Place

by radvictoriam



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-18 08:26:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12384522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radvictoriam/pseuds/radvictoriam
Summary: The short-but-sweet story of Leonora and Danse's budding relationship through FO4.





	1. Tea

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third thing I've posted in a day lmao. Anyway, this is just me putting their relationship into words. You may or may not have come across Leo in my Kinktober challenge - if so, you get to know a little more about her here. I am planning for this to be 5 chapters but that may change. We'll see.

The uncomfortable silence and tense humidity have fogged Leo’s senses to an alarming degree. Ever since leaving her decontamination chamber-turned-cryopod, the sole survivor of vault 111 has been nothing but alert. Adrenaline has been a Godsend to the keen minded, sharp-eyed widow. The soft, pre-war lawyer has become almost unfamiliar - even to herself.  Loss, grief and post-traumatic stress have forced her into a transformation unlike any she has experienced before… This did not phase her at first. She is a mother with a child to find, after all. Leonora did not stand a chance without change. The wasteland is unforgiving. 

But so is she. 

Or, she  _ was _ . Now, her mind has a showreel of false memories on repeat. A young boy reading Grognak, trying to ignore streams of abuse. A doe-eyed wife expressing her concern, watching their baby while her husband offers pitiful reassurance. Hearing that his actions cost them their lives… Watching what losing them did to him. In the end, his mistakes cost him his humanity. Knowing what she does about her husband’s killer, Leo could murder him all over again. With that in mind, there is another part of her that understands. He adapted to his environment to ensure his own survival. Errors cost him his world, but the Earth kept on turning… Life after total atomic annihilation stands testament to that. We all must find ways to survive. Sadly, Conrad Kellogg became a weapon to stay alive. Ironically, this is what lead to his final moments. Karma is a bitch. No one can cheat death forever.

She truly believed that killing him would alleviate her heartache. Heal a piece of the hole in her heart. But each beat is still uncomfortable; fluttering and stuttering, catching in her throat each time memories of Shaun’s laugh or Nate’s smile intrude on her thoughts. All she did by killing Kellogg was add another layer of guilt. A cancer of the mind. This has pushed her to the cliff edge. Breaking point. There is only one way down.

Leo's tears are hot on her cheeks. They carve tracks through the dust and grime that has become a second layer of skin to her. Then, the sobs wrack through her. Each sound that escapes is like nails on a chalkboard to her long-controlled composure. She knows she will wake Danse, so she attempts to stifle her grief. But he is a soldier, and it’s not long at all before his eyes are on her; deep set and brimming with sympathy.

“I… I’m sorry.”

Leo cannot decide whether the broken silence brings her any relief. Humiliated, she drops her gaze to her lap.

“Apologies, Paladin. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“There is no need to apologise,” he gruffs, rising from his sleep roll. Leo watches as he drops down by the campfire, feeling grateful for the warmth as he coaxes the embers into flames. Her commanding officer then reaches for his pack and begins rooting around. Sure enough, he draws back with a kettle, some purified water and melon blossom leaves. 

Many Knights have given her their sympathies for being stuck with the Brotherhood’s most uptight Paladin. The truth is, their sorrow should lay with Danse. Ever since ArcJet, he has been nothing but patient. Maybe not when it comes to completing missions - but patient with her. It had taken well over a month of partnership before she trusted him enough to dare remove her stealth suit’s helmet, and not once did he pry as to why she did not want to be seen. He had been completely understanding the day she finally showed her face, listening intently as she explained what albinism is. She recalled her first-time visit to Diamond City with a shudder. The security had mistaken her for a synth, as they had never seen someone with her condition before. Danse didn’t treat her like an object, either. He looked somewhat surprised as he studied her, but she didn’t catch him staring when he thought she wasn’t watching. Not like Piper had.

“Here,” a chipped mug is nudged into her hand, and she takes it with thanks. Danse pours himself a serving and boldly sits on the bedroll with her. His eyes settle on their makeshift fire, giving her a false sense of privacy.

Kellogg’s memory of vault 111 is the elephant in the room. Leo appreciates Danse’s attempt to not bringing it up, but she can see that he is buzzing with questions. She finds that she wants to tell him everything. About growing up in a world full of life, losing her mother in her youth. Learning to drive, studying for her law degree, getting married, having Shaun. Moving from their rickety old apartment into Sanctuary Hills. The sudden need to share her story is a kick to the stomach. Leo wraps her free hand around her abdomen, willing herself to calm down. 

“Knight?” he breathes, brows furrowed as he watches her. Full of a desire to help. She shakes her head and sips her too-hot tea to stop herself from sobbing again. 

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” He huffs, “And I wouldn’t expect you to be. We don’t have to talk about it, yet. But when we get back to the Prydwen, Elder Maxson will want to be debriefed.”

His reminder of their duty is not commandeering. If anything, he sounds concerned. Leo can think of at least eighty-three things she would rather do than talk about that day… The one Danse inadvertently watched, played out on a screen like some cheesy pre-war drama. The hot sting of her tea creates a distraction from the suffocating clench in her stomach.

“You’re right… I should probably talk about it now.”

“That’s not what I--”

She holds up a hand to silence him. 

“I know you aren’t trying to push me. You have a point, though. I can’t exactly see Elder Maxson’s patience coping well when I’m sobbing through every sentence.”

His gaze is full of emotion. So much is unreadable, but she can safely draw one conclusion. He cares. Somewhere between entangling her private affairs with the Brotherhood of Steel, this uptight Paladin has become a crutch. Leo is unsure of how she feels about that, but it is something to ponder another time. She cups both hands around her mug and stares into it, not trusting herself to meet his eyes.

“Alright… So, you saw how it all started. How much of it did you understand?”

“Not much,” He admits. “I saw that you were frozen, and you were in your vault. Those… monsters. They did what they did. And your son… I’m so sorry.”

“Please,” She shakes her head wildly, her voice nothing more than a whisper. When she does turn to him her eyes have pooled with tears, and a look of desperation has twisted her features. “Don’t - don’t apologise, don’t. I don’t think I will be able to keep a lid on it if we talk about  _ that _ . Please.”

“Of course,” He nods, “I apologise.”

“S’fine,” She sniffs, taking a moment to shove down her grief. Back into that box in the back of her mind, lock it tight and keep it guarded. If nothing gets in, nothing gets out. 

“Okay, so what you saw was my vault. Vault one-eleven. When the bombs dropped, we were the only ones fortunate enough to get there in time. They told us they were decontamination pods. We were too caught up in the devastation to question it… Though, I doubt we would have been lucky enough to be frozen if we’d tried to fight back.”

The Knight finally turns back to her superior, and is unsurprised by his look of shock. Leo can almost see his brain whirring - calculating, drawing up connections, delivering the same conclusion each and every time. His eyes are alight when he finally meets hers, mouth slightly agape in a mix of horror and surprise.

“You-- before the war. You entered the vault  _ before the war _ ?”

“I did,” She says, her voice unsteady. “Those bastards - they froze us. Kept us on ice. When I got out, I read up about their work. They were tasked with researching the long-term effects of cryogenic stasis on unsuspecting test subjects. So, they lied to us. Told us we’d be starting our new lives in no time… When, actually, our lives were being put on pause.”

“And the others? What happened to the rest?”

“When those Institute lapdogs took Shaun, they shut off life support for all of the pods - except mine. My neighbours… My friends… All dead. Asphyxiation, the terminals said,” She scoffs, “Murder, I say.”

“So, you’re over two-hundred years old?”

“I am.”

Danse takes another moment to let this sink in, and Leo lets him. She takes a few more sips of tea to soothe the frog in her throat and, soon, her heart stops trying to break out of her chest. 

“Apologies, Knight. I -- this is a lot to take in. I’m not sure what to say.”

“Thanks. I doubt there is much to  _ be _ said. All I can do is keep moving forward - and do whatever it takes to make sure my son is back in my arms.”

“I don’t understand!” He growls, “Why? Why an infant? Why kill everyone? They had the opportunity to set you free from those cells. Granted, life would be a struggle - I can’t imagine what it must have been like, seeing the world as it is…”

“The second-worst feeling in the world. Right behind watching them… Nate…”

She breaks off again. The monster she calls grief is gnawing at its shackles. Each time it does, she finds it harder to keep it in that damn box. More tea. Less feeling.

“Leonora.”

The shock at hearing her first name from his lips draws her attention to the present. Wide-eyed, she turns to the Paladin - not really believing it was him in the first place. But there is a fire behind his eyes, and his jaw is set in what she could only describe as pure determination. 

“I promise you, we will get your son back. I don’t know how, or when - but every step takes us closer to infiltrating the Institute. We have to put an end to this. Too many civilians have suffered a similar fate. The disappearances, the synths. It’s  _ wrong _ , and we will stop it. We have hope. Shaun, he was in those memories. Kellogg was in Diamond City not long ago. When we get back to the Prydwen, I will speak with Elder Maxson. You - you shouldn’t have to go through it again. I won’t let you.”

Leo can only manage a nod in response. She is afraid of what will happen if she tries to speak. All of her entangled emotions are searing her chest. The Knight finishes her tea and turns in for the night; quickly falling into a restless sleep.


	2. Bond

The cracked, winding road leading to her home is filled with birdsong and the occasional buzzing of distant bloatflies - a stark contrast to the screams and gunfire Leo had become so acclimatised to. She had forgotten what it was like to be away from the city and its many, many threats. This far north, enemies are scarce. Sure, there’s the odd pack of wild dogs or yao guai but, to the relief of many, raiders, ferals and super mutants are a rarity. As they approach those familiar gates, the crackling warble of Diamond City radio can be heard - accompanied by the chatter of settlers and clanking of tools. The guard greets them fondly, and soon they are encompassed by Sanctuary; which is living up to its namesake.

Leo leads Danse up the the cul-de-sac’s path, admiring the new-and-improved patchwork houses and agricultural plots. Settlers call to them as they pass, waving their hellos or calling out thank yous. Leo doesn’t feel like she has done much to be thanked  _ for _ , in truth. Preston has done most of the work. But the Colonel wants none of the credit. In fact, she finds him patrolling the guard walk, covering a shift for old Dave. When he spots her, a youthful smile wipes the frown from his brow.

“General! Welcome back! How’ve you been?”

“That’s a long story for another time,” She says, smiling wearily. “How’re you? This place looks amazing!”

Preston launches into a wonderfully distracting tale about his time spent rebuilding Sanctuary Hills. Aside from the occasional appraisal, Danse remains quiet. He has been slightly off since their return from the Glowing Sea… Leo isn’t sure whether it’s because of Virgil’s surprising condition or if it’s something she has done, but it’s starting to grate on her nerves. A logical part of her reprimands her for it. After all, this is exactly how she has acted towards him for months. It’s about time she got a taste of her own medicine. By the time they’ve had their fill of radstag stew and bid goodnight to the neighbours, Leo is thrumming with frustration. His silence has become a thorn in her side, and her hearty consumption of two-hundred year old wine has done nothing to dampen her temper.

She is going to confront him. To prevent herself from annoying the settlers, she drags the front door closed and turns on her heels. To her surprise, Danse is already there. He is stood before her, wearing a resolute expression. Leo feels her annoyance falter as he takes a breath. 

“I was hoping we could talk… There’s something off the record I would like to discuss.”

“Off the record?” Her brows shoot up. Of all the things she had been expecting, this was definitely not one of them. “That’s not like you…”

“Which is why this is going to be difficult to say, so I’d appreciate it if you’d bear with me.”

Leo wants to say yes; offer him a seat and assure him that returning the favour is the least she could do. But she worries that moving from this spot will shatter his resolve. Instead, she nods curtly. It seems to do the trick. 

“When you were first placed under my sponsorship, I had some serious reservations about it. Despite all that, this has turned out to be a rewarding experience… for both of us. At this point, honestly, I don’t feel there is anything else I could teach you about being a Brotherhood soldier that you don’t already know. It’s apparent from your attitude and your actions that you intend to keep those ideals close to your heart.”

Leo doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol or her loneliness, but her stomach flutters at his words.

“I’m flattered to hear this, but I feel like there’s more.”

“There is…” He flashes her a sheepish smile. Heat rises to her cheeks. “I’m just… not very good at this sort of thing. Let me start at the beginning. I grew up alone in the Capital Wasteland. Spent most of my childhood picking through the ruins and selling scrap. When I was a bit older, and had a few caps to my name, I moved into Rivet City and opened a junk stand. While I was there, I met a guy named Cutler. We got along pretty well, watched each other’s backs and kept each other out of trouble… When the Brotherhood came through on a recruitment run, we felt like it was the best way out of our nowhere lives, so we joined up.”

“Really?” She giggles, gleaming with amusement. “I have a hard time picturing you as anything but a soldier.”

His lips to twitch into a barely-there smile. 

“Clearly I was ignoring my calling. Anyway, about a year after we were posted to the Prydwen, Cutler vanished on a scouting op. It took some convincing, but I was able to persuade my CO to let me assemble a squad and let me search for him. It took almost three weeks, but we tracked his team down to a Super Mutant hive. Those  _ wretched _ abominations had slaughtered everyone but Culter. He should have been so lucky. The mutant  _ bastards _ used their FEV to change him into one of their own kind. He wasn’t Cutler anymore. I had to… It was my duty to… put him down.”

“Danse--”

“Ever since Cutler died, I’ve seen other soldiers come and go. Some were brave, some were honest… Hell, some were even downright heroic. But I’d never considered any of them to be a good friend, a friend like Cutler was… until now.”

His words sink in. When they have the butterflies return, and a smile graces her lips. It must be infectious, because he is smiling too.

“It’s a good feeling, but it frightens me all the same. Having a bond with someone then losing them… well, as you know, it changes you. I don’t want to go through that again.”

It has to be the alcohol. Or the butterflies in her stomach, or the way his eyes look like molten chocolate when he smiles like that. The tinge of vulnerability there, yet the bravery it must have taken him to make such an admission. She feels like an intoxicated schoolgirl all the while.

“It would never be that way with me,” Leo gazes up at him through fair lashes. “I care about you too much to let that happen.”

It’s worth it, she decides, to watch his expression flicker between bashfulness and surprise. The Paladin’s eyes widen. “I… didn’t know you felt that strongly about our… well, about us.”

“I know I can be difficult at times. You don’t know how grateful I am to have you fighting by my side, Danse. You’ve done more for me than I ever could have hoped for… Of course I care.”

“Asher.”

“What?”

“My name,” He murmurs; as though he is passing on a forbidden promise. “My name is Asher.”

Leo bites her lip at the swell of emotion this brings. She has the sudden urge to cup his face in her hands, but that would be ridiculous. Once again, she does not trust herself to respond. Thankfully, he breaks the heated silence.

“I’m sorry if I seem... confused. You’ve certainly given me something to think about.” 

He clears his throat of the gruffness in his voice.

“I just thought you deserved to know how I felt. If you feel that I’ve overstepped my bounds, I completely understand.”

“No, not at all,” she smiles, “thank you for telling me. I… I think I needed to hear it.”

“Thank  _ you _ ,” he replies… His eyes have softened once more, and Leo starts to wonder if the Glowing Sea had more of an impact than she thought. Her knees have weakened. “I appreciate the fact that you took the time to listen.”


	3. Hold

Those ferals got them good. They had been passing through a narrow alleyway when they sprung out of nowhere, growling and clawing at their power armour. Danse had removed his helmet beforehand, as his HUD had been playing up. They were caught at a disadvantage - they knocked him into a wall, and Leo had winced as his head smacked into solid brick. She made quick work of the bastards, then lead her CO to the relative safety of a nearby truckstop.

“I’m going to have to clean it out before we can use a stim,” she explains, after admiring the damage. It’s nothing a stimpack won’t fix within the hour, but she is worried about the dazed expression clouding his eyes. Danse nods his consent and she sets to work, gently wiping away the congealed blood with an old rag and rubbing alcohol. If it hurts, he hides it well.

“What do you think of Scribe Haylen?”

The question is so sudden that she pauses for a moment. He is sat on a rotten chair, eyes far-away yet watching her expectantly. She shakes herself and carries on cleaning the wound.

“Scribe Haylen? Why, is something wrong with her?”

“No, not at all. Haylen’s doing well. I simply wanted to talk to you about her, but I wanted to know what you thought of her first.”

His words leave an uncomfortable pressure in her chest, but she nods.

“She’s as dedicated as they come,” She says, avoiding eye contact. “A real team player.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” He smiles fondly. “But I wasn’t looking for an evaluation of her performance as a scribe, I wanted to know what you thought of Haylen… as a person.”

That tightness worsens, and Leo  _ really _ doesn’t want to question what’s causing it. She shakes her head.

“You’re hurt, Ash. We can talk about this later.”

“Please. It’s… important.”

Leo nods, and busies herself with re-cleaning his perfectly clean wound.

“This isn’t like you. Are you going to tell me what this is all about?”

He hands her a stimpack, and the conversation pauses as she carefully injects the area. Once it’s done, she tosses the empty pack aside and folds her arms - waiting for him to explain further.

“I suppose I’m beating around the bush,” he murmurs. “It’s not my wound, I assure you. I just - don’t normally find these discussions easy to handle.”

“It’s alright,” She soothes, “You can talk to me.”

With her reassurance, his features soften.

“I’ll try and get right to the point. The truth is, I’m worried about her. Since you and I are getting along so well, I felt like I could confide in you about it… to get your honest opinion.”

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” she says, ensuring she does so with enough warmth to prod him along.

“Let me explain everything from the beginning.”

So much for getting right to the point.

“A few months before you found us, one of my men was shot multiple times by raiders. Haylen stayed by that Knight’s side for two days straight without sleep fighting to keep him alive… but he was on a slow decline. I decided that his suffering needed to end and ordered Haylen to administer an overdose of painkillers, so he could die with dignity. Even though I’m certain she wanted to continue fighting for that Knight’s life, she injected him without question.”

“You’re worried because she followed orders?”

“Haylen’s never been insubordinate. But the decision whether or not to ease that soldier’s suffering is not the point here. The point is what happened later that same evening. Haylen approached me while I was on watch. She didn’t say a word, but I could tell that something was wrong. After what felt like an eternity, she collapsed into my arms, crying. I… didn’t know what to do, so I just held her for a while. A few minutes later she stopped, kissed me on the cheek and simply said 'thank you' before heading back into the police station. Right then it hit me… maybe I pushed her too hard. I ordered her to ignore her instincts. To do something her medical training told her was wrong. That’s why I’m worried about her… and for that matter, everyone under my command.”

“Asher, is this really about Haylen? Or is it about you?”

“Me?” He seems surprised by this. He considers it for a moment, pursing his lips as he loses himself in thought. “I see what you’re getting at. I guess I never thought of it that way. Look… four soldiers, half of my team are gone. Each one of them died because of decisions that I made. I understand the risk that comes with the job. We all do… But how can  _ anyone _ have confidence in me anymore? Hell, how can I have confidence in myself?”

“Hey,” she calls, soft-yet-firm, wiping the clouds from his eyes by raising a hand to his cheek. Leo did this without thinking. It’s what she used to do with Nate to pull him out of flashbacks. Wrestling the ache in her chest, she continues. “Would it make you feel better if I told you that  _ I  _ believe in you?”

“Actually, it does.” The smile he gives her is full of warmth. Those flutters in her stomach are back, and suddenly her heartache recedes. “Well, it looks like things have taken a turn. I signed up to be your sponsor so that I could teach you everything that I know, but it looks like I’m the one who needed the lesson today… All joking aside, I’m pleased that we had this discussion. With all of the problems that you’re facing, you took the time to listen.” He slowly places his hand over hers, keeping it in place. When he speaks again, his eyes are full of affection. “I’m glad I can speak to you as more than just your commanding officer.”

Her insides have melted and, for once, the burn is nothing but pleasant.

“Does this mean you'd be there to hold me if I needed it?”

“I… I don’t know. I never thought you’d ask me something like that.”

Leo cannot help but fluster this man. Seeing the Paladin stumble on his words is far too endearing. She draws back, slipping her hand from under his.

“It… would depend. On the circumstances. I suppose we'll just have to see what happens when the time comes. Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my shoulders. I think it’s been weighing on me more than I realised. I’m only sorry you had to see me at my worst, rather than my best.”

“Ash,” she shakes her head. “There’s no need for thanks, and definitely no need to apologise. I’m here for you. Always.”

He nods, and she turns to her power armour.

“C’mon, get back in your armour. Ingram can take a look at your helm when we get back.”


End file.
